Liberated from Facebook

Having taken on the step to stop using FB and instagram in September it’s worth a note in my diary blog.

It did make a big difference for the better. Less mindless screen time more real time. More being present. I didn’t miss friends updates either.

When I did go on near the end of the month I just looked for any updates of note. Nothing … just the usuals of hey I’m eating at… hey I’m walking here… hey look the sun set again !!!

But joking aside I did actually feel more connected at home, more present. I realised that Social Media is escapism. Just like drinking alcohol is.

But you soon realise that there is nothing to escape from… That what you have yourself in your life is excellent. You don’t need to subconsciously be stirred by people’s fantastic life’s into thinking you’re life needs more selfies, sunsets and food pics 😂..

I have uploaded all of my pictures to free google storage. Next stage is to delete FB.


Private Blog – Diary

I’m going to change my blog today to a private account.

Turn it into a diary of sorts for myself. To be able to write a diary of my life from my perspective. Say how I am and how I feel without an audience.

I think keeping a diary and getting stuff out of my head would be good for me. But not good for the readers !!!

Plus I don’t even know why I felt the need to blog and make the account open to an audience?

What did I want people to know? Why did I want people to potentially see it? Is a blog just vanity? In some way a need to show off, to display some form of a better self to the world. To feel cooler ??

In a nutshell my life and thoughts aren’t really of use to anybody. There’s no utility in it for you.

That sentiment brings me to the end ….

31-08-2018 x

The NHS is back to front

It must be better to work on prevention measures and non chronic symptoms first.

Dealing with only chronic conditions creates a perverse incentive to get really really ill before you’re treated! Which costs the NHS, family and society much more…

Having a painful back from a disk out of line (diagnosed not by google but by a physio) I needed to see a doctor.

It hurts to sit and bend, walking and running is fine.

But when I ring up, they tell me I need to ring on Friday to get an appointment for a Friday in the future.

I rang once was told the Friday book wasn’t open.

I rang and was told the Fridays are now all booked up.

But if it gets bad they will speak to me today as an emergency.

Surely it’s better to ring me now before it becomes chronic and prevent further use of the NHS.

Its not the receptionists fault but the NHS is back to front!

It’s like many problems stem from mental health. Evening wait gain etc is associated with your brain.

But apart from being told to eat healthier nothing is really done.

You have to get really ill to get treatment. So there is a perverse incentive to get iller to get treated now.

1 in 5 under 10’s are obese… this is sad as it will stay with them in some way or another for the rest of there lives if it is not treated as an illness. Or neglect or abuse??

Reality check

I was driving down the M4 thinking about thinking. Then it occurred to me about Metaphysics… all I know and feel is a manifestation of my brains functions. What I am seeing, hearing and feeling is only a representation in my brain. So what is actually ‘Out there’ does it look like what I can see now. Eg does colour exist or is it just in my brain, Eg is that car black even if we didn’t have eyes etc and the brain didn’t make a colour black.

then I thought everybody driving around me too is in there own world. Eg they are watching an image inside there brain, you don’t look out, your eyes take info in to your brain to make a picture and show it to you!!

Then I thought so who is my brain showing it too? Does that mean I exist as a person independently of a part of my brain? Eg is the self separate?

I then got that feeling of being in the matrix! Oh dear…

But it did make me realise that all of the shit that you feel is imaginary! Even when you call it real it isn’t its your brains interpretation.

This helps with mindfulness as it helps me detach thoughts and feelings as processes independent of me. Eg they are fiction. So they can be changed too.

But I still can’t get over the feeling of existentialism … that my life has no meaning. That existing is pointless for its own sake. That I exist for other people like family and for work… but I am just going to die like everything does. So what is the point?

There must be a point as I am not driven to top myself !!! Just yet!! It must be more than the just the fear of the act of suicide. There is something that drives me to live even though it’s pointless? What is it!

Why I run..

Off the beaten track, lovely summer evening with nobody else around…running on a footpath through a country estate. The landowner does his best to disguise the public footpaths through his beautiful estate. It’s a lot of money for an adult to visit the estate! But I know where they (the footpaths) are hiding!

It’s a real relax for the brain and is medicine for the soul. The countryside is beautiful. Lake, waterfalls and woodland …. with no cars or people at 8:00 on a Saturday evening.

Non alcoholic of course!!

What a week!

Ok, let’s get it out of the way, I crashed my motorcycle on the Grand Ballon D’ore in France.. low side, wrecked my kit, my bike and bruised my right side. Took it like a boss. Got straight back up, patched the bike up and rode on. Ok I couldn’t get out of bed two days later or lift my arm higher than a nazi salute. Luckily as 1945 turned out ok I didn’t need to do it once in Switzerland!! Ok a bad joke.

But all the same I took it calmly. Too calmly it didn’t phase or shake me up mentally. Just bruised me. Is that good or bad?

I have 8 more lives and feel…. invincible… both again are jokes. Feel, Luck not to have died or been seriously injured. Only wish that I felt that I was lucky or had a lucky escape? But I don’t feel anything at all? Why? Not at the time or after. In a weird way I couldn’t careless about my accident or experience?

It’s July and it’s hot very hot… and had a very lovely trail run of 11k tonight… now sipping a green tea before bed..

Having a bite to eat and a chat with my friend ….

Gerardmer with my feathered friend in the sun…. By the lake …

Three days in to a motorcycling trip and we are in the Vosges France. Lovely days riding and most of the group have gone to Le Strutthoff. The only concentration camp on French soil. Having visited last year and disturbing me for days I decided it best be avoided.

I did feel bad for the suffering and me avoiding it for fun… it seems odd. But. Non-the-less I didn’t want to feel awful when riding.

Four of us rode the twisties instead and enjoyed them.

Everybody hit the bottle last night and they all got hammered and had a great time.

I had a great time too. Sober. I felt a-lot better than my friends today! So I definitely enjoyed today more!

Sat in the sun, coffee beside the lake quietly … before the gang get back and start on the beer rounds… again!!

What I learned running two marathons 3 weeks apart…

It’s quite tough!!

I did a trail marathon from Avebury Stone Circle to Larkhill via Stonehenge three weeks ago. It was my first… It taught me a lot about endurance. The mental problem of you’re brain trying to stop your legs running.

Even though it was tough and hilly the long time spent jogging is peaceful. It’s a meditation really. Breathing in time to steps and watching the world pass by. I knew straight after I wanted to do another one.

So Sunday (three weeks later) I ran the Hampshire Hoppit another hilly trail marathon. Stunning countryside through the hills, fields and woods of Hampshire Berkshire.

Meeting people and chatting along the way is great and hearing their stories. Some are self obsessed runners me me me (you need to be to do this!) but some have a reason to do it. One guy was 65 with a really heavy looking back pack. He explained that he was a chain smoker and he had a health scare. I got the feeling we are talking not long ago. There he was mid pack, running for the fun and running for his life literally…

Great to do, as being out in the countryside is awesome. Great to run with likeminded people.. great to keep fit too.

It’s all good for the mind and body … I can’t wait for the next one!

Peace and quiet

Sat out in the garden for an hour. No cars no human sound.

The birds are amazingly loud. So many different songs and calls.

Its so peaceful … I think that is why I like running on trails so much.

17:22 on a Friday … weekend is coming …

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