Excited about the future

It’s Monday the 2nd December. Having spent 5-6 months out of action with my hip. Enforced stoicism! I am excited about the future.

Next year we will be walking ok, running ok and have booked up 3 motorbiking trips.

But more than that I can see the future changing..

Using this week to learn new skills in risk management.

Wisdom of Instagram Me V0.3

Life AND Death we should not talk about. Life to the death is a more accurate sum. They are not equal parts in the sum either. as 1 AND 1 = 2. We speak of them always together. Actually if Life = 1 then Death is a 0 so Life AND Death = 1. Which is life! So remember to live as death doesn’t count. Great Nain’s life came to pass yesterday. x

I wonder, when people write blogs eulogising and preaching to other readers on how to be, how to live and how on some level not to worry, that they are not actually taking their own medicine. That by trying to persuade other people to ‘live well’ when they can’t convince their own mind they should ‘live well’ they aren’t in some way fooling themselves. I think they know they are. So they try even harder to persuade other people to live a better life thus to remove their own nagging feeling of ‘imposter’. Fakery in their own self image and their own deep rooted insecurity fuelled by social media. Which is a shame as their own self worth is not dependant on this. We are all insecure and have fakery. We all want to be seen in our ‘best image’. Social media pushes this to its extreme and turns it into the ultimate ‘competition’. Our own ego being our own worst judge. Judging other too, which become a vicious circle of being judged and judging.

I genuinely prefer reading the ‘ancient work’, such as the stoics as it is so authentic, than reading a contemporary plugging their book or their blog/intagram etc.

Today, a second horrid headache, not quite at the migraine proportions of yesterday’s sickness. A day of fruitful work today. Work is ‘awesome’ when you actually love the work and the people in the company.

Listened to A Christmas Carol – Dickens podcast. Now thats a life affirming story! Never too late either to make a change. It always makes me feel more benevolent and fortunate. I recommend it. If only to shake off some of our worst human traits, biases and stereo typing for a while.

Live well then die thats all any of us can hope to do.

A day makes all the difference.

What is it about time that enables the human brain to let worries lesson with time? An annoyance that played on your mind a month ago is largely forgotten. Unless your brain is acting dysfunctionally and causing stress.

So when I think back there’s not anything that seems to worry me in my near past. Even though as I lived it it did.

That’s a lesson to learn about today’s worries.

Oh well, off to work, nothing much to worry about ….

A note… I sleep soooo much better non drinking.

Kids! What would Epictetus do?

It’s a good lesson in stoicism having teenagers. What do you say when the smell of cannabis is strong when you pick them up from their friends? How do you feel knowing that their best friends parents don’t care or don’t see it as a problem? These are all thoughts that go through your mind on the car journey back home. You know they have their bike test to do. Drugs and motorbikes are dangerous. You know that it’s such a waste of life to get stoned. So much more to life to do and see.

I actually feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for his friends parents who don’t have the foresight to see the dangers of this.

But what would Epictetus do and say?

He would certainly say as a parent you have a duty to do something. However, the children would have been little more than slavish in Roman times!

He would have had the wisdom to segregate what was in his control and what wasn’t. His friends parents and their ignorance is not my affair or in my control. Even the word ignorance displays that I have added judgement and emotion to an action outside of my control. Leave that thought be. What is in my control is my own thoughts. Maybe his friends parents have it right? Nothing they can do so forget it? Ignore it? Let it be? I can’t do that, watch my sons health deteriorate? So I will continue to make sure he understands how I feel about it. That it’s disappointing. I will try to keep our relationship cordial too.

Dogs are so much easier than kids

I will try and remember what’s in my control and what isn’t. Relax a bit.

Temperance

Every day is a lesson in living well. Most moments we have a choice to make. Do what is right or do what we feel impulsively. It’s an art to make sure doing what you feel impulsively is also the right decision. Emotions can be rather basic, selfishness, anger and often we make the wrong choices, even tiredness can taint our decisions.

So I tried to think ahead, slow down and make the right choices. But it meant stopping impulses. Thats hard as emotions overrun my logic. Emotional thinking comes quicker than logical thinking. It also takes more effort to work through logic.

Getting into an e-mail ‘ding-dong’…. silly, walked away and stopped but a bit too late. Son owed me some money as a punishment. I confiscated it or wrecking my bike. I gave it back so he could fix his broken onyx ring instead. That was a good decision. But also a philosophical decision. Over-thinking a stressful day that’s illogical. It’s over, past and gone. But there it is emotions ran high. Maybe a course in some mindfulness will calm me back down.

…. I did have some fun and booked up my motorbike trips for next year. Still managed a smile and in my retro glasses. BTW I only put photos in so I can look back and see how I age as a sort of weird aging diary. So sorry, it’s not because I am delusional think people would like my photo hahah!

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Enjoying binge watching ‘The Good Place’. Of course no drinking.

A great state of mind Me V0.3

Drink anybody? Happy, energised, connected and not attached to my emotional side.

Monday is a 6:00 am up and 2:15 hr drive. Plus the M25 which just about tops the start of the day off! But I can say to people reading this that not drinking (for over a week) has made an awesome difference today. Definitely back on teetotal top. No grogginess at all, very well connected feeling to the stimulus of the world around me. Waking up after another night of sleep undisturbed by alcohol. Deep real sleep.

A busy work day, no highs and lows either in moods. A very calm sea in the mind which is great. Not that the sea was ever stormy, but it was a still calm day!

Happy to be back in my hotel room, blogging before bed. May read a little Marcus A as a little top up on stoicism.

As I feel so motivated I have booked a Risk Quant course for 4 days and exams in December and I cant wait to learn from it. Already energised.

You won’t believe how even just drinking heavy on a weekend night and a couple of units during the week can effect the way you assimilate the world around you.

Love you Family.

Un-plug from the matrix …. like me. LOVING IT.Unknown

Teetotal 1 week awesomeness Me V0.3

Well, it’s Sunday, a week being back off the booze.

I have not woken up like this since the last time I went teetotal. (3 x now, previous stints well over a year).

To wake up on a Sunday morning, feeling mentally happy, contented is brilliant. It is definitely due to not drinking. It’s not that I want to run around hugging people. I can’t help but to view people giving free hugs in town as somewhat suspicious! It is a general easy feeling of calm.

When waking up on a week of drinking I felt a little ‘on guard’, a little fuzzy too, not a lot but a little disconnected from the objective world. It felt slightly more enveloped in my own objective feelings. Somewhat distorting my world view.

But not today….

I am back! I have a feeling of ‘clarity’. As if I am viewing the external world and processing it through clear, crisp vitalising spring water.

Sharper, happier, focused……. At this point I ask myself why did I bloody start drinking again!!!!

No crutches now for hip, no mental crutches from drink either…. COME ON WORLD BRING IT ON!

Me and Rue are ready.

Rue and I
We both feel great teetotal this Sunday.

 

This bike is a good representative analogy of me on a Sunday morning when NOT teetotal.

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Me V3.0

Well, resilience is the best skill to cultivate in life I think. Learning from the wisdom of the stoics, Buddhists and others. Putting these learnings in to practice is the most rewarding practice. However hard and however much I fail.

Having spent months on crutches, my hip has mended enough to come off them. Only to hurt my back! So another couple of weeks of gently walking around.

I have stopped drinking in the past twice now. Not just stoptober crap. I mean for longer than a year a time. I started again when I was incapacitated. It has done absolutely nothing for me.

I have put on more weight, spent more money, slept worse and felt groggy! Wow I’m so glad I started drinking again !

On Saturday I went to a 50th birthday … two cocktails, then water at the dinner. Two or three g and t’s for the rest of the night. I really didn’t enjoy any of the drinking at all and went to bed at 3:00. I was obviously tired but not sick 🤢.

I just decided without any fuss or fan fair to stop drinking for good … again. I am now coming up to 6 days sober. I already feel like I have been unplugged from the matrix. The world around me feels more real and connected. I slept like a log for the past two nights and not had to get up for the loo.

I just can’t wait to get that enormous energy back that takes about 3 weeks, lose some weight which takes only about 4. And yes even as a bloke your face and skin looks ten times fresher !

Never give up just because you failed once. Today is a new day!

Games we play Me V0.2

When you spend time with other people it makes for a good practice in stoicism.

We are all different and play games.

I like people’s characters for example.

Acting like a stroppy child when a person doesn’t get what they think is their way. Or more accurately when they didn’t get to do what they suggested and proposed.

With short answers and ‘whatever I’m easy’ but through gritted teeth.

When things don’t go to plan on the day that they didn’t get to organise. They take every opportunity to give you a knowing smile or even a comment ‘see I knew it… said we should have …. ‘ ! This can start to hit a nerve.. so stoicism is needed!

But even more clever games come the next day, when the next day you say to the question what shall we do today? The game player wont suggest anything. ‘I’m Eazy’ comes the reply. But they’re not at all.

So you push them or suggest what they wanted to do yesterday as an example.

…. The game starts again. They then push the ownership and I assume the onus of the trip they wanted to go on, to you. ‘Well if you want to go there today yes I will come’?… now if it doesn’t go to Plan … who gets all it in the neck? More stoicism.

Or the third way it happens is you throw open to them ‘what do you want to do?’ After they have spent time hinting… they feign complete inaction to organise it or get ready? You sit and wait politely for a ‘let’s go’ or ‘shall we go after ?’ But silence ….. then you spend the rest of the time parrying more barbed comments about ‘waisting the day’, ‘not worth going this late’… so more stoicism needed.

Deep breath, don’t bite…. I have learned that people make themselves miserable, that making other people uncomfortable derives them some pleasure (although they wouldn’t ever admit it). But the price they pay is their own misery. That it is a no win situation for themselves. They lose. When I mean lose, I mean their own control they lose. Their own serenity.

What do I do! I blog about it. As I find it fascinating! I slightly feel sorry for them!

What a lovely place to chose to be calm or chose to be miserable.

Two sides to life x Me V0.2

Tell me any experience that a person can have that doesn’t have two sides?

Like today, a trip to the hospital for an appointment. Visiting a hospital is a dreadful experience. However the upside is that they are there to make people better. Alcohol has its uses, but it also has its downsides. It’s up to us mostly to decide which road to travel in life (the feel good road or the bumpy grumpy road) and when to turn off too.

A new job, brings, maybe more pay, but more stress or visa versa.

Life is like this, hence why you should just deal with it. I mean that’s how I should just deal with it.

I’m in RUH Bath, nothing that will kill me. So actually just enjoying sitting, blogging, drinking coffee whilst I wait.

Blogging reminds me to be grateful, it reminds me of a more neutral perspective to take.

Just as I was typing a lady out of the blue just offered me half a cheese sandwich! I am full. But thank you! Why isn’t anybody hungry today she said? Because everybody sat in this cafe has bought food from the shop already. How nice was that!

Anyway, I’m taking life, home, work as it comes. No plans, rolling with the waves.

Today is just another day… nearer death 💀.. not morbid thoughts. Just factual. Can’t say I’m that interested in the planet, human race or any other such thing. I have closed my eyes. The politicians have fucked and fudged it. Lied, cheated, self served and neither group is any better than the other. I’m glad the kids are taking a stand on the planet as I gave up. (Not that I’m not being responsible myself). Of course I do my bit. Recycling and all else I can reasonably. Until the planet dies or I do.